The Family You Choose

I have friends outside of work.

You might be thinking, "well, DUH!"  But I didn't have that at one time.  I had a 2 or 3 friends I would see very occasionally, maybe get together once or twice a year, but really just sent chain letter joke emails back and forth so we knew each other were still alive.   Other than that, I had work friends.  That was it.  There was a time when I was in high school that I would watch shows like Night Court and think to myself, "how sad is it that their only friends are each other?"  (If you don't know Night Court, check this out.)  

And then I slipped into the same trap.  It's natural to end up friends with people you spend 40 hours a week with.  It's not that they are bad people and it's easy - they are with you all the time.  You don't have to make an effort.  They are my friends and I wouldn't change that, but when your only friends are work-related, you don't have balance.  There is no outlet or other activity to complete your circle.  When I looked at a co-worker yesterday and told her that there was a time I had no friends outside of work, she was surprised and quickly agreed that it wasn't a good thing.

I changed that when I got married and then broadened it when I started running.  When you marry, you almost automatically gain friends.  Whether you choose to keep them or not is your own choice.  There are friends my husband has that I have never met and others that I have met and there is no connection.  Luckily, the majority of his friends are amazing, funny, smart, loyal, adult, and generally great people.  He has known some of them for 30 years.  (I'm a little jealous of that - the oldest friend I've had only goes back about 10 years.)  The same is true of my husband and my friends.  Some are mutual - some are not.  This isn't good or bad, it's simply life.

There is a quote that friends are the family you choose for yourself.  I used to think it was cheesy, but it's really not.  There is some truth to cliches and this one is no different.  If you look around your life and realize that you either haven't been in touch with friends you have outside of work in a long time or you don't have any friends outside of work, you are out of balance.  I'm not saying it doesn't take effort, but once you make the stretch and put work aside for a bit to make time for friends... it's worth it.

And a chain letter joke email doesn't count.