Definition of Self (Hoo boy! We're going deep here, folks!)

These past two weeks have been tiring.  I'm usually one for expending energy, doing extra and still going out to have fun.  Not now.  My body is worn down, my mental focus is fading and I've realized that this is what used to drive me.  I would work until I felt this tired and then just fall asleep on the couch.  Not anymore.

I am no longer defined by what I do.  

I briefly discussed this with someone tonight.  A woman in my running clinic that just wrapped up.  She is surprised by the lack of support from a very athletic friend of hers.  They've been friends a long time, but now that she has started running (and loves it!), the friend is a little non-chalant and not as excited as you might expect.  I've seen this before but usually with family members, specifically siblings.  One child is the Athletic One.  Good at baseball, working out, running, track and field, golf, tennis, you name it.  They eat healthy, are active all the time and everyone knows that is their role.  The sibling starts running.  Ironically enough, it's usually because they are inspired by the Athletic One.  But once they start, the family congratulates them and fusses over them.  The Athletic One gets jealous or insecure.  The balance has shifted and they are no longer the hockey star or fitness freak in the family.  It happens to friends too.  Someone loses weight and the "pretty one" has a hard time with it.  It changes the dynamic.  Namely because people define themselves by what they do.

Try this: the next time you meet your friends, ask them to answer you honestly and you'll explain yourself afterward.  Then say, "tell me about yourself."  Guaranteed they will start one of two ways.  The first: "I am married and have X children..." (or something to that effect) or "I am a [insert job title here]."  People define themselves by either their family relationships or what they do for a living.  And why not?  It's easy.  Most everyone has family and most everyone has a job.  But that's not who you are and it can take a long time to figure that out.  Some people never do.

I'm on my way.  I know that I have no patience for bullshit or politics.  I love chocolate and my alone time but I cannot live without healthy recipes and the social connections I have.  Running and reading and music are favourites.  I have figured out what I like.  Not because my husband likes it or because my parents raised me a certain way, but because I have had the chance to be alone with myself and discover these things.  That discovery never really ends and the bits of yourself you discover as you live are what defines you.  Not your children or parents or career path.  Take those away for a second.  Now tell me about you.